Ushering

by Charles Springer

Larry longed to be a lighthouse. Joanie thought it was because he had this thing for sailors, no, not like that, and wanted to save them if they got lost in a fog. One can't depend a whole lot on what Joanie thought because she was fogged in a lot of the time herself. Anyhow, she and I bought Larry this really lofty hat with a revolving light from Spencer's Gifts. He literally fell down with delight and when he picked himself up and put it on, he couldn't, or wouldn't take it off! After awhile he began to complain especially at night that moths and mosquitoes wouldn't leave him alone so we bought him a net to wear like a veil that he often got tangled up in so we gave him a six-pack of bug spray and he seemed happier with that as it also reminded him of fog. It wasn't long before me and Joanie had had enough of Larry's lighthouse keeping so we donned our combo fishing trawler/cutter costume, not the one from Spencer's Gifts, the one from Coast Guard Surplus and waited for some help from a nor'easter moving through and blew Larry's light out for good. Truth be told, the lighthouse hat's irreplaceable batteries had simply up and died. As for Larry, well, he had pretty much gotten over the loss and in no time was back on the job at the movie theater guiding people safely to their seats with his flashlight.